Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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