Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
handjob tips. give me some.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
