i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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