I faked an abortion last night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
