Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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