i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
