Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
