My friends, they love my intelligence
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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