It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
