Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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