dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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