i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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