Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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