Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
