Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
