Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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