No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
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there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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