Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
