does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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