i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
