Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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