i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
