So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
