I think my vagina is haunted
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
