he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize