Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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