Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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