Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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