It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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