I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
