OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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