I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
