guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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