You just made me feel so damn special
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
