Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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