I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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