well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
