I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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