I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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