I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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