like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dear god my vagina.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
