the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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