i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
