Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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