Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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