I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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