I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
