high people should be assigned attendants
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drunk is not a location!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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