What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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