I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
