there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
