You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
