do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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