im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
