I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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