the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
