when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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