I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she smelled like a LAN party
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
