I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
