You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
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She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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