My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
