so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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