This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So much rum. So many feels.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize