All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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