I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
