nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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