Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
